Oh the Holidays!
by Crackers and Cheese
Summary: Steve comes over for the holidays and soon the Blue's Clues house is turned upside down!
1. Table Manners for Dummies

Oh, the Holidays! Pt. 1: Table Manners for Dummies

It was Christmas Eve in the world of Blue's Clues. Red and green streamers covered the yellow house on the hill. Inside the living room was a huge Christmas tree that lit up the whole room. No one in the living room was paying attention to it though, there were bigger things at hand.

"Is it true, Joe?" Slippery Soap asked for the third time that hour. "Is Steve really coming over for Christmas?"

"Of course it's true! Don't you trust me?" asked Joe. When Slippery opened his mouth to respond Joe added, "Don't answer that."

"When is he coming?" questioned Sidetable Drawer.

"I just called him," said Joe. "He should be here right about-" The door bell rang.

"Now," Joe finished as he opened the door to reveal Steve in his usual green striped shirt and khakis. "Steve!" All the members of the Blue's Clues household yelled.

"Yeah, yeah, hello," Steve said in disinterest. He turned to Joe. "Where's the alcohol?"

"It's in the kitchen. But Steve, you should say hello fir-" Joe would have continued but Steve was long gone.

"Zhat's zrong zith zim?" Mr. Salt asked in a cheesy French accent.

Joe sighed in resignation. "Maybe he had a long trip? I don't know. Let's just go to the kitchen and get dinner alright?"

The whole gang gathered around the kitchen table. Steve and Joe sat on opposite sides of the table while Tickety Tock, Slippery Soap, Shovel, Pail, Sidetable Drawer, Mr. Salt, Mrs. Pepper and Blue Sat between them. They all held hands between them except for Steve, who was busy drinking wine straight from the bottle.

Joe, like a good little brother, ignored him. "Okay, everyone, before we start to eat dinner, it's time to say grace."

Before he could continue, Steve yelled, "GRACE!" and started to gbble down his meal.

"STEVE!" the whole table yelled in disgust.

"What?" Steve asked in annoyance, ignoring the mashed potatoes that were dribbling down his chin.

"Steve, before you eat dinner you say a prayer," explained Joe.

Steve just looked at him. "And?" he asked, then when back to his meal.

Joe sighed. "Did you hear the words I just said?"

Steve looked up form his meal again. "No."

***888***888***888***888***888***888***888***888***888***888

After thirty minutes of burps and crunches from Steve and silent munches from everyone else Sidetable whispered to Joe, "Is it me or has Steve lost his manners?"

Joe shrugged. "College does that to people."

Suddenly Steve stood up. "I'm leaving to unpack now," he said. Then he left the room, careful to grab bottle of wine with him.

The room was quiet before Pail said, "That was rude of him." Soon enough the room was alive with a group of animated inanimate objects' opinions of their visitor.

"Steve cannot be excused for not having good table manners!" Mrs. Pepper yelled and Blue said, "Bow wow!" in agreement.

"Alright, alright!" yelled Joe over the commotion. "I'll talk to Steve." Joe went out of kitchen and across the house to the bedroom, where Steve was unpacking.

"Hey Steve," said Joe awkwardly. Steve looked up from his suitcase and smiled at him.

"Hey Joe. Sorry for the way I was acting earlier. It's been a long day and… I haven't 'played Blue's Clues' for a while."

"Blue's Clues?" questioned Joe. What did Blue's Clues have to do with…?

"Oh!" he said in realization. He quickly closed the door and sat next to Steve. "Um, Steve? I ran out of…" He dropped his voice to a whisper, "Acid," He returned his voice to its normal volume, "Last month."

Steve smiled. "So? I brought some with me."

As Steve rummaged through his suitcase Joe said, "By the way, the rest of the gang was really worried about you. Maybe you should be extra nice this week."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Steve muttered absentmindedly. He finally took out a plastic bag. Joe's eyes widened when he realized how much acid was in the bag.

"I don't think we should do this," Joe said hesitantly.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Just shut up and lick," he said as he handed Joe a piece of acid drug paper and took some for himself.

When Steve licked the paper Joe sneaked the paper stealthily into his pocket. He glanced at Steve, whose pupils were blown wide and had a wide gin on his face. It seemed like the acid was taking effect.

Joe stood up and inched to the door. "Steve, stay here alright?"

He got no response, since Steve was currently yelling out the window, "Hi out there! It's me, Steve! Have you seen Blue, my puppy?" to no one in particular.

"Taking to invisible children? Check," Joe muttered as he went back to the kitchen and leaving the bedroom door open.

Mrs. Pepper was the first to receive him. "How did it go?"

"What? Oh, he took it fine; he even said he would be on his best behavior all week long!" Joe said, careful to leave off the part where Steve took drugs.

He didn't hide it well, and Shovel caught on. "So…he's not high or anything?"

Joe's eyes widened. "What? No?" He calmed down. "Why would you think that? He's just in his room…unpacking."

Slippery's eyes narrowed. "Are you sure, Joe? You're not the best liar, you know."

Joe started to sweat. "Maybe?"

Before they could question him further, they heard Steve sing from the living room, "_We gotta find another pawprint, that's the second clue, we put it in our notebook, 'cause they're who's clues?_ BLUE'S CLUES!"

Everyone in the kitchen turned to Joe. "He's high, isn't he," said Pail flatly.

Joe smiled nervously and shrugged. "Happy holidays?"

**A/N: Hey, everyone. Thanks for reading. This story's not over yet! If I get some reviews I'll continue. So review!**


	2. The Kitchen Disaster

**Oh the Holidays! Pt. 2: The Kitchen Disaster**

"Joe, we can't deal with this right now!" Mrs. Pepper said in frustration. During the last hour Steve completely ransacked the kitchen for the nonexistent first clue.

"Mrs. Pepper, you know I can't convince Steve to do anything! He went to college, didn't he?" Joe responded crossly.

"I know that, but Joe, you've been high before. You know how he thinks. Maybe you can snap him out of it."

"I doubt that," said Joe. "Steve tends to become really dumb with high. But I'll try."

"Good luck Joe!" Mrs. Pepper said as she left him in the living room.

"I'll need it," Joe muttered as he entered the kitchen. It seemed that Steve had looked in every nook and cranny for the clue, from the cabinets to inside the pipes under the sink.

Joe found Steve in the spice cabinet, throwing spices on the floor while chanting, "We are looking for Blue's Clues, I wonder where they are?"

"Probably not here," Joe said.

"What? Ow!" Steve jumped up in surprise, and accidentally knocked himself in the head against the cabinet.

"Hey Joe!" Steve said enthusiastically while rubbing his head. "Find a clue anywhere?"

"Not anywhere you haven't looked, I bet," said Joe as he took account of the mess Steve had made in the kitchen. The sink was clogged, spices were spilled everywhere and mustard was leaking from the refrigerator and onto the floor. Joe wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I am definitely regretting inviting you over for Christmas, thats for sure."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Steve said as he examined another spice from the cabinet. "No clue here," he muttered and threw the spice on the floor.

"Hey!" Joe frowned as he watched as Steve threw the spice on the floor, just adding to the mess that Joe would probably have to clean in the morning. "I have to clean that tomorrow!"

"So?" asked Steve lazily as he reached inside the cabinet for yet another spice. It's not like it matters to him anyway.

"So?" Joe repeated incredulously, anger flaring up inside him. "So?" he repeated, grabbing Steve's arms and shaking them. "Don't you see? There are clues in the kitchen, the house, or anywhere! You will never find Blue's Clues!"

"No, that can't be-," Steve muttered, moving out of Joe's grasp. He suddenly lit up. "Oh I know why I haven't found the first clue!" he exclaimed. "It must be me!"

"What? No!" Joe exclaimed, grabbing steve's arms before he could take off his striped shirt to examine it for clues. Joe didn't want Steve running around the house naked. He shuddered. That would be bad.

Steve looked at Joe in confusion. "Joe, why are always stopping me find clues?" His eyes widened. "You want me to find Blue's clues, right?"

"Of course I do!" Joe said. "It just isn't on you, that's all."

"Oh, okay," Steve, forgetting the conversation at once. "If it's not on me it must be...outside!"

"No! Steve! There are no clues out-," Joe tried to explain, but Steve was already out the door. Joe sighed. "Why doesn't he just listen?"

He took one last look around the kitchen. "There goes my Christmas," he muttered as he walked out to find Blue. It seems like he was going to play Blue's Clues after all.


	3. Sandbox Hijinks

**Oh the Holidays! Pt. 3: Sandbox Hijinks**

"Blue, I need your help," Joe said sometime later. He found Blue curled into the Thinking Chair, reading a novel. She looked up as Joe entered the room.

"Bow wow wow?"

"It's about Steve." Blue closed her book and, if possible, sighed. "I know, I know it's always about Steve," Joe continued. "I need you to play Blue's Clues."

Blue sighed again. "Bow wow."

"Yeah, I know that Steve shouldn't be high right now but c'mon, do it for me?"

Blue considered his pleas for a second before saying, "Bow wow wow wow."

"Yes!" Joe cheered as he went out to look for Steve. "I'll make it up to you Blue, I promise!"

"Bow wow," Blue grumbled, not believing a word he said.

*******888***888***888***

Joe found Steve busy digging a tunnel in the sandbox outside the house. _"We are looking for Blue's Clues, we are looking for Blue's Clues, we are looking for Blue's Clues, I wonder where they are?"_ Steve sang as he worked.

"Not there," Joe commented and Steve whirled around to face him.

"You," Steve frowned, pointing a finger at Joe, "Need to stop surprising me like that."

"Sorry, it's just that I found a clue back in the house," Joe lied. Steve narrowed his eyes.

"Why should I believe you? I've been digging here for about ten minutes and found nothing, which is practically impossible. Which means you've been misleading me. If I didn't know better I would think you didn't like Blue's Clues."

"What? No!" Joe cried out. He didn't want Steve to be suspicious of him so soon. "I love Blue's Clues! That's why I've been leading you to all these clues!"

"Why don't you record the clues in your Handy Dandy Notebook?" Steve questioned.

"Well, I'm not supposed to play Blue's Clues during the holidays, you know that," Joe said.

Steve huffed. "Don't you listen to what you sing?_ 'We can do anything...that we want to do!'_"

"Not during the holidays we can," Joe responded. "Besides, I'm still playing Blue's Clues right?"

"Wrong!" Steve retorted. "I think you're not as enthusiastic about Blue's Clues as you should be. Right kids?"

The kids must of said yes because Steve then said, "Right. That's why I've handcuffed Joe to myself!"

"What?" Joe exclaimed. He looked down realized that Steve had snuck some handcuffs around Steve's and his wrists. "Where did you get these from?" he questioned but Steve ignored him.

"Now Joe and I can play Blue's Clues together!" Steve said to the invisible children.

Joe_ really_ didn't want to spend the night right next to Steve so he asked, "Steve, where are the keys?"

"Keys?" Steve said. "Oh, I threw them in the trash. We don't need them anyway, right kids?"

Steve cheered as Joe yelled to the sky, "NOOOOOOOOOO!"


End file.
